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18 Ways To Be A Bastard In Games Part 3

7. GRAND THEFT AUTO IV – HOSPITAL DESTRUCTION

Niko dies mid-crime spree.

You’re annoyed and want to vent.

Rockstar happen to respawn him in a nearby hospital, laden with patients napping on their guerneys….

The words ‘shooting’, ‘fish’ and ‘barrel’ come to mind.

Oh, and ‘bastard’.

8. BIOSHOCK – MR.MATEY

BioShock maps child murder to a button press; you don’t have to look hard for evil.

The bastard, however, celebrates unnecessary evil.

Both BioShock and its shinier sequel supply you with a Pick ‘n’ Mix of torturing abilities – less pink foam prawns, more bee attacks.

For our money (salvaged from a nearby dustbin, naturally) it doesn’t get better than the electro-bath.

Set a Splicer aflame with the incinerate plasmid and just as he jumps into nearby water, fire an electro bolt into the shimmering wetness. The notion that he sees his fate buzzing before him is most pleasing.

9. RED DEAD REDEMPTION – DICK DASTARDLY, YOU OL’ BASTARD

 With my recent “10 tracks to hear this week“.

I must add a little red dead redemption into the mix of bastardly deeds.

So here’s my favourite, what we need to do is hogtie a helpless civilian, extra bastard points for a civilian of female origin.

Place her onto your horse and ride to the nearest train track (providing there is no law enforcements on you).

And lay your unsuspecting victim straight right. slap. bang. in the middle of those deadly tracks!

Extra Bastard points for putting your bandana on before you commit this unsightly deed.

More to come, including CRACKDOWN, SAW, GODFATHER II and more!

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18 Ways To be A Bastard In Games

May 29, 2010 1 comment

Ever thought to yourself, “I’m evil”? In-fact so evil that Im going to be a bastard in this game.

Here’s the first 3 ways to achieve your goal… More to come soon!

you evil bastard…

1. Fallout 3 – Anti-robbing

So, we establish;

pick pocketing: bad

give pocketing: Good

With barely 2 bottle caps to rub together, being the good Samaritan you can sneak gifts or presents into the pockets of fellow wastelanders. But this thread isn’t about being the perfect guy on fallout 3. Why not sneak frag grenades into the pockets of fellow wastelanders!!! Now it doesn’t matter if they don’t have 2 bottle caps to rub together because they don’t have 2 fingers to rub them together with.

2. Prototype – pedestrian leap of faith

For years the generous spider man games have let us scale the empire state building to let us stare in awe at the magnificent pixelated view. But if i wanted that i would of gone there myself. Prototype take it that one step further… by letting you lob pedestrians of the top!

I honestly don’t know what’s funnier.

The long grueling climb to the top with the squirming person in hand.

Or the anti-climax of watching them turn from a clump of struggling mass… to a tiny dot in the distance.

Bonus bastard points for using the glide ability to observe her decent close up…

3. Assassins Creed II – Arms for the poor

Threat of desynchronisation prevents Ezio from going stab happy on the population of Venice. However, there’s nothing in the Animus handbook about getting a guard to do it for you.

Find a witless peacekeeper with a hammer and stick him with the poison blade to get his arms a-flailing.

Now throw coins at his feet and watch the chaos unfold as the magpie AI forces nearby gentry to lunge for the shiny trinkets – straight into crazy’s hammer time.

Im sorry, this is pure evil… but so funny.

MORE TO COME… INCLUDING RED FACTION, FABLE AND MORE…